Grief's Unfolding: Understanding the True Nature of Grief

Over the last month I have been supporting people navigate grief and loss. It's a terrain unique to everyone, a labyrinth of emotions where there's no single map or prescribed path. Therapists often speak of the "stages" of grief, but these are not linear steps, rather a swirling, overlapping collection of experiences.

One of the most crucial aspects of my work is validating the legitimacy of every feeling. Anger, disbelief, sadness, even a sense of relief – all are valid responses to loss. There’s no “right” way to grieve, and societal pressures to “move on” can be profoundly damaging. We all go through the grieving process differently at the time and pace unique to us. Grief looks different for everyone child, teen, or adult. It is the support we give each other that makes a difference.

How do we support someone who is grieving?  My family has always provided food, a shoulder to lean or cry on, a phone call or stopping in person to check in, and by being available to those grieving. Sometime sitting in silence with someone and being present is what a person needs. Being present and patient with someone’s grieving process is important. Do not make assumptions about what someone needs. It’s ok to ask them what they need and how you can be supportive. In therapy, I have spent time with children sharing stories about their loved ones while coloring or playing with play doh working to remember and honor them. The simple act of being with one while they grieve is supportive and allows them to lead the way in how they grieve. By being compassionate and understanding we support them through their process as they move forward.

Clients often grapple with the feeling that they’re “doing it wrong,” or that their grief is lasting too long. I emphasize that grief is not a timed event. It’s a process of adaptation, of learning to live with a significant absence. This process can take months, years, or even a lifetime. Sometimes client…people need to hear this and normalize that there is no wrong way to grieve.

We explore the importance of self-compassion. Grief is exhausting. It requires immense emotional energy. Allowing yourself moments of rest, engaging in self-care, and seeking support are not signs of weakness, but acts of resilience.

Creating space to remember is also vital. Sharing stories, looking at photographs, remembering cherished moments, reflecting on our loved one, or engaging in rituals can help maintain a connection with them. We work together to find healthy ways to honor their memory while continuing to move forward.

Ultimately, therapy for grief is about fostering a sense of hope. It’s about recognizing that while the pain may never fully disappear, it can transform. We can learn to integrate our loss into our lives, finding meaning and purpose even in the face of profound sorrow. And in that process, we discover our own strength and resilience.

This is for informational purposes only.   For medical advice or diagnosis, consult a professional.

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